Come Clean> Link

There were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident.

Rookie Cop> Officer Beethoven

Last night I had my first shift as a volunteer on Prague's police force. They assigned me to partner with Vaclav, a grizzled 15 year veteran of the force. He was supposed to show me the ropes, teach me what to do, how to maintain law and order, but the fact that he wasn't speaking to me made all of those lessons mute. Literally. I would ask him a question and he would just grumble out something unitelligible. Eventually I said, "Damnit Vaclav, I know I'm a rookie, but you've got to talk to me!"
Vaclav uttered in a gruff tone, "All you volunteer cops are the same. You come to Prague on vacation to see our wonderful architecture and drink cheap beer. You then find out that you can get free theatre tickets if you join the police force and next minute I am dragging some silly looking bastard on my beat. You can tag along, but that doesn't mean I gotta talk to you."
I said, "Free theatre tickets?"
He said "Yeah."
"Uh, I had no clue about the free theatre tickets"
"Really?"
"Really."
It was then that Vaclav took me by surprise with a sudden embrace. "Sorry...it's just that I have been hurt so many times...by you volunteer cops."
I pulled away from his arms and said, "Uh, its OK. I understand."
He then said, "Right, lets get to work."
Unfortunately it was then that my half an hour shift was over and I had to get to a dinner party. Jimmy, a study abroad student from one of the Dakotas showed up right in time to replace me.
I said to him, "Is this your first time?"
Jimmy nodded yes.
"Don't worry about it, just tell Vaclav how much you are looking forward to the free theatre tickets. You'll be in like flyn."

US Zip Codes> Link

If you love zip codes like I do...uhm...then...07079 in the house!

Police Academy 7: It's fucking cold in Prague> Officer Beethoven

My volunteer Czech police test was moved to this morning due to Prague's plumbing problems. I passed I guess. The test was just as simple as Jim told me it would be. I had to climb a chain link fence and then throw a trash can. That's it.
Also its been really cold in Prague for a while now. All of this weather is coming from Siberia, or as climatologists call it, "natures freezer". I was thinking about this today and I think this is Putin's work. Communism is back and this time it really frickin cold. They are creating an atmosfear where they can dominate the Czech people. You heard me right, atmosFEAR! Reagan wouldn't have taken this shit. Damnit Bush, you Sally, don't let these bastards win. Bring in some heat fans or something. It's the cold war all over again and I'll tell you, we're losing.

Numeric Life blog> Link

This is the only blog not written by a friend that I read on a daily basis. I like how blogger's spell checker doesn't have the word blog in its dictionary.

Who needs running water?> Expated

So at some point yesterday my water stopped running. It is so cold here that a water main busted just down the street from me. At this point its back up, but just barely, kind of dripping out of the faucet. Needless to say my toilet is like a little torture chamber. It looks like something crawled into the bowl and bled to death. To the woman that tried to flush the pregnancy test: Congratulations! A child is a blessing.
Yes, I am still sharing my toilet with the two gynecological offices, but they have given me a substantial reduction in my rent. That should be more than enough to cure my yeast infection.

Raising the tax on smoking> Hmmm?

Mike Bloomberg is raising the tax on cigarettes by 50 cents per pack, bringing NYC cigs to 8 dollars a pack, the highest price in the county. According to Duke University, the cost of a pack of cigarettes over a smokers life time is something like $40 a pack. Only a buck and change per pack would be paid by society at large and the article also says that because smokers live shorter lives they draw less money out of Social Security, making smoking a net money saver for society. So the facts point to letting people smoke away their lives. Maybe they have it right in Europe.
I guess this comes down to whether you think the government should prevent people from doing foolish things. I personally think the best way of dealing with smoking is banning it in public spaces, as in restaurants, bars, etc... As long as I don't have to deal with it, physically and fiscally, let them smoke. What are your thoughts?

Something to blog about I guess> Officer Beethoven

My friend Canadian Jim has been telling me for weeks about how much fun he has been having working as a volunteer police officer here in Prague. Yesterday I decided to check it out and I went to a recruitment night at the central police station. Unfortunately all of the materials and speeches were in Czech, but nonetheless I think I will give it a shot. I have some tests I need to take tomorrow morning, but Jim told me they were easy.

Joel Silver Interview in SI> Link

This alum of my school invented this sport the kids these days call Super Frisbar. Sounds like fun.

Doug Moldover Guest Link> Link

I thought you all might find this site fascinating and illuminating.
-Doug

Big Idea #7, Ban Recycling, > Pink Wizard, guest columnist.

Dear Beethovenians,

When I was a young wizard, knee-high to a hamster, I was told of the virtues of recycling.It will save the rainforest, blah blah blah.

When I was a teenager, I began to question authority. So for no reason at all I decided that recycling was stupid. And I listened to Green Day but that's another story I'm too embarassed to tell.

A couple months ago I saw an epispode of Penn and Teller's "B.S." in which they did an exposee on why recycling really is pointless, thus confirming my long-held suspicion. According to the show, recycling facilities pollute a whole lot with their smokestacks and mac trucks, and we aren't running out of trees since we get paper from tree farms. And we aren't running out of landfill space either. And in addition to being pointless, recycling is expensive. There were some other points but I either forgot them or can't articulate them.

Now I'm a little embarassed to say that I get my scientific information from Penn and Teller. So I just did a google search and found some fancy report on why recycling is pointless. I did not read this report, but at least now I can cite the report instead of Penn and Teller. And you can read it if you are so inclined. If you're not, trust me recycling is dumb. Don't do it.

If the democrats took up the anti-recycling position they would get lots of republican votes and they'd win the election and everything would be hunky dory and all problems in the world would be solved and gay people would get married and have abortions and everybody would have health care and Karl Rove would go to jail where he would be raped and NO TAX CUTS FOR THE RICH and the government would only spy on people if they got a warrant from Judge Judy and there'd be a gas tax and we'd celebrate diversity and certain guns would be illegal so nobody would get shot unless in a hunting accident and there'd be no more hurricanes and if there was it wouldn't be a problem because FEMA would help black people and all Supreme Court nominees would be approved by Ted Kennedy and there'd be no death penalty unless your husband says you wanted to die if you ever went into a coma and then BAM you go into a coma HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY PATRIOTISM? and Elian Gonzalez would be rescued from the Halliburton compound in Waco where he is being held hostage by Pat Robertson and Clarence Thomas who are gay like Dick Cheney's daughter not like there's anything wrong with that and there'd be no more wars because Dr. Phil would be the head of the UN and everybody would just work out their problems at the UN security council therapy sessions and the 10 commandments would be removed from the courthouse and replaced with a statue of Michael Moore with his arms chopped off like the Venus di Milo and Jimmy Carter would be cryogenically frozen along with Ted Williams and Strom Thurmond's illegitemate daughter would become captain of the USS Enterprise with her husband, Warren Beatty who invented Ultimate Frisbee in 1962 with Vladimir Nabokov who incidentally would oversee the Swift Boat Vets in their musical adaptation of "Great Expectations" based on the classic novel by Charles Dickens, who by the way, would be given a holiday in October to replace Columbus Day which is offensive to Native Americans who had their land stolen from them by Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh, who are now using the Indian land to cultivate a unique hybrid of marijuana and maize which they call "maizeajuana," and this herb will be smoked by victims of glaucoma in Oregon where Harry Belafonte will advocate their right to ban Wal-Mart and so on and so forth.

Dr. Seuss Political Cartoons> Link

This is pretty interesting stuff. Make sure you check out the index to get the different topics.

Bum Cull Cold> Expated

Eastern Europe had gotten some rather cold weather lately. It's -13 degrees Celsius outside now in Prague, 7 degrees for you Fahrenheit lovers. Yesterday I went to an ultimate training practice and my snot froze inside my nose. That might have been a first for me.

Would you like to come to the Pants Party?> Expated

So check out my new pants!

Sweet right? My friend Nate makes pants over here in Prague and I am helping him out in growing his sales. He's got a website that is still in the process of being built, www.groundcontrol.cz, where you can see more of his stuff. At the moment he isn't selling outside of Prague, but if any of you are interested I am sure we could arrange something. You can see it has a cool pocket system which should make them great for traveling.

My Guest blog> Link

I just wrote a guest post for the Pink Wizard's Blog.

Bum Stank> Expated

Last night I went to a friend's house to watch the World According to Garp, an OK effort by one of my favorite directors, George Roy Hill. I don't really enjoy the feeling of impending doom in a movie. You know, when you are just waiting for something bad to happen to the characters. I know it creates tension and plot development, but I prefer these things to come out of nowhere instead of the standard cliches that usually set it up.
When I left the sidewalk had iced over so it was a slippery walk across to the closest tram stop. Once I got on I was greeted with the stench of what could be described as a soiled diaper filled with Indian food. Yes, the dreaded defrosting homeless person. They ride the tram's all day to keep warm. The seats have these heating vents under them which just amplifies the sensation of being in a tight space with someone who hasn't showered in a very long time.

My Hometown> Link

This is a great site for finding information on any town in the US.

Keep Digging> Link

Ending the debate about whether you will end up in China or Australia. Tip: Bring a swimsuit, raft and a really loud emergency whistle.

Cooking Lentils> Expated

I am trying to cook some Lentils for lunch and the instructions are all in Czech. Does anyone know if you are supposed to soak the lentils first in cold water for a half an hour? Then put them in boiled water for another 30 minutes? I have asked a bunch of the women waiting in line to use my bathroom, but none of them speak English.

Rotten Tomatoes> Link

This is where I get my movie reviews.

Lord of War and I Heart Huckabees> At the Movies with Larryb

Last night I watched to movies with some friends. First we saw Lord of War with Nic Coppola. He has been on notice for years, almost reaching Travolta status for me for some of the bad roles he has taken over the years. SO I was pleasantly surprised when Lord of War was actually pretty damn good. Kind of like Blow with guns. We then watched I Heart Huckabees on DVD. It was much better than I remember it being the first time I watched it. Definitely one of the more interesting films of the past few years. Yes, I know, I was a film major so I should be able to write better reviews than this.

The Pink Wizard's Blog> Link

I sense a disruption in the blogsphere! This blog, written by the Pink Wizard, aka Natye Nalsu, should be pretty entertaining for at least a week.

Narnia> At the movies with LarryB

This was a fairly enjoyable movie, but very skipable. I never read the book so I don't know if they threw in things like the Santa cameo or not. I am guessing that was part of the book as he does give the children weapons. Too bad nobody got a Red Ryder BB gun, I hear you can shoot your eye out with one of those.

Degree Confluence Project> Link

" The goal of the project is to visit each of the latitude and longitude integer degree intersections in the world, and to take pictures at each location."
Make sure you check out this map.

Big idea #6 (by the pink wizard, syndicated columnist)> Guest column

Aside from raising gas taxes and “framing,” I am suggesting another big idea so our great party can rule once more. We need to overturn Roe v. Wade. Gasp! I know, I know. Get your rosaries out of my ovaries. Just hear me out, commrades - it’s a means to an end.

You see, most clumps of cells that don't feel pain (notice I didn’t use the word “unborn baby” or "fetus" – I’m framing!) who are getting aborted would be democrats if they were ever born and lived to be voting age. Follow the pink wizard here: Most women who get abortions are pro-choice (duh) and many democratic areas (urban areas) have lots of abortions. So since most people vote the way their parents vote, and most women getting abortions are liberal (at least on social issues), we can safely assume that most of these aborted cell-clumps would have grown up to be democratic voters.

So lets say abortion had been illegal 25 years ago. In the last election, many more democrats would have voted in cities like Cleveland and Toledo where there are lots of abortions and lots of democrats. But because these prospective voters were aborted in the 1970s, they didn’t get born and they didn’t make it to the polls. Crud!

But there is hope: if we overturn Roe v Wade now, expect a democratic landslide in maybe 25-30 years!

Greek Lego> Pictures

Gap Minder> Link

Here is an interesting website that shows the startling differences between the world's rich and poor.

Reframe Religious Issues> 5 Big Ideas

WWJD? If you’ve been to the States there's a good chance you've seen the “What Would Jesus Do?” bumper sticker. There is also a good chance the people in that car voted Republican. But would Jesus do the same?

The New Testament gives us an idea of what Jesus believed in. These words have been interpreted and reinterpreted for almost 2000 years to the point where Jesus apparently was anti-abortion, anti gay marriage and anti stem cell research which happen to be the positions of social conservative Republicans in the United States. Now I’m no big city Theologist, but I do know this: the bible does not state Jesus’s position on any of those issues. What it does say over and over again is that Jesus preached compassion for the sick, poor and un-empowered. That was his thing. So WWJD?

Would Jesus be in favor of a tax policy that greatly favors the rich? Would Jesus cut benefits to the poor? Would Jesus be against Universal Healthcare? Would Jesus be for the death penalty? (He had a bit of experience with that one.) Would Jesus start a voluntary war? Would Jesus be a card carrying member of the NRA? Of course not! Would Jesus have voted Republican? Christ no!

So then why are poor, white, social conservatives voting not only against there own financial interests, but also Jesus’s interests? Perhaps because they see Democrats as godless elitist gay baby killers (mind you Democrats aren’t killing gay babies. Actually that’s a policy that would win some of their votes). The Democratic Party needs to start reframing these issues.

I know Dems are uncomfortable speaking about religion because we feel it has no place in politics. But let’s face it, part of the reason the GOP is in power is because they have carved out a position that Religious Christians seem to support. You’ve got to hand it to the Republicans for seizing this ground. Bravo you evil bastards. Bravo.

I don’t think we should be losing elections because we are pro-choice. Frankly there are more important issues. I like Hillary’s recent tactic of explaining that she thinks abortion is a horrible decision some women have to make. That is reframing the issue. Now go the next step. Use some scripture to back up sensible Democratic policies. Us secular Democrats will look the other way. Talk about Jesus’s priorities. Stem Research to help the sick. Raising taxes on the rich to help the poor. Legal equality to help un-empowered Homosexuals. (Uh, maybe save that one for later.)

Take the Money Out of Politics> 5 Big Ideas

An American Senator must raise 60,000 dollars in political donations in every month of their 6 year term in order to have the average war chest to go into their reelection campaign. Congressmen have to raise over 40,000 dollars a month. Kerry and Bush themselves spent about 700 million dollars in the 2004 presidential election.

Where does this money come from? Sure, some of it is from ordinary citizens who feel a party or candidate represents their views. But lots of that money comes from special interests. I imagine those corporations, unions and ideological movements want something in return for their donations.

So what we have is a system where our government makes a large amount of decisions not based on what American want, but instead on what the people who fund their elections want. The only people theoretically immune to this are multi-millionaires. We have a country where the only way to become a politician is to be filthy rich or just plain filthy. That doesn't sound like Democracy to me.

What if a Presidential candidate and political party were to say they wanted to change this system and offer a specific plan to do this. Politicians, like John McCain often say they want to take the money out of politics, but even the laws he was able to pass through congress were easily circumvented by special interests. I may not be a big city politician, but here'’s a rough plan that I put forward:

Free air time would be given to candidates on public television. There would be more debates than in our current system and on very specific topics. A website would have a profile for every candidate in every race in the country. Candidates would have to answer questions on where they stand on the issues. Voters could fill out a poll and find out where their positions fit with the different candidates. There would be no mailings (save the trees), and any kind of advertising would be limited and highly scrutinized for untruths and misrepresentation. There would also need to be a structure in place to give independents a fair shot at being elected.

I know this is a simple plan and there are tons of holes in its practicality and legality, (as in free speech and an important Supreme Court ruling) but this is a rough draft. No matter what was done we would be improving the system. I know most American citizens would prefer the above system to our present one. I know that a party that embraced this radical reform would gain a lot of new voters. I wonder how many of our leaders like being beholden to special interests. I wonder how many would be willing to change a system which has brought them to power.

My New Apartment> Angry Rant

So I moved into a new apartment in Prague after a few days of sleeping on a friend's floor. After many, many apartment debacles had made this search rather desperate, my real estate agent found me a place pretty close to the center of the city and well placed in relation to public transport. It's pretty small, but has a washing machine, dishwasher, cable TV and will soon have high speed internet (the deciding factor, as all of the other apartment I looked at would take at least two-three weeks to get the internet up which I need to run my company with). The big downside of the apartment is the toilet is out the door and down the hallway from me. This was a downer, but I was getting a good price, so I thought I would deal. They assured me I was the only one with the key to the bathroom so it was mine alone.

Well, this morning I woke up to find my Economist 2006 preview stolen. Yup, somebody else had been using my bathroom. Goldilocks? Nope, instead lots and lots of women with gynecological problems. Yup, I am sharing my bathroom with two gynecologist's offices. I plan on having several nightmares tonight. My real estate agent said she is trying to figure out what is going on. I am one angry bear.

This is the actual poster in my WC.

Santa SWAT team> Travels

In Greece the Santa Claus story is a bit different. Because the Greeks use smaller gauge chimneys, children would not possibly believe he could fit down there. Instead Santa busts through windows and often works with a team of Santas depending on the size of the town. Children wake up to presents under their Christmas tree and a window that their parents have broken.

Pictures> Update

I have added pictures for some of my blog entries from Greece, so scroll down for a look.

Doug Moldover In Greece> Guest Columnist

LarryB has asked me to write the occasional guest post for this blog. I am a construction worker from Fort Wayne, Indiana and like Larry, I enjoy traveling. For Christmas I went to Greece and I would like to share some of my favorite sites with you.

The first is a 16th century Venetian lighthouse in the port town of Hania on the island of Crete pictured below.

As you can see they are doing some restoration work on it. I wasn’t disappointed in the least. Check out the scaffolding! Simple, but elegant. 2 inch pipes, 8 tiers and some supporting cables. Wow!

Another one of my favorite sites was the Parthenon, a 2,444 year old temple dedicated to the goddess Athena, covered in 21st century scaffolding.

If you read this Rick, doesn’t that Crane remind you of the one we used on the PNC Bank job? I think ours was blue though.

Last of the sites is the Erechtheion, sharing the Acropolis with the Parthenon, it is considered to be the supreme example Ionic Architecture.

Personally I consider it to be the supreme example of Sectional Steel Scaffolding. You can see the care they used not to damage the columns.

I hope you enjoyed this column,
Doug Moldover

Back in Prague> Travels

So I am back in Prague after two enjoyable weeks in Greece. I had a lot of fun, but I wouldn't recommend visiting Greece in the winter for most travelers. It can be pretty damn cold, its not really possible to swim or lounge on the beach and a good deal of the tourist infrastructure completely shuts down. On the plus side, accommodation is much cheaper, all of the major archaeological sites are open and most importantly you have the place to yourself, free from the hordes of package tourists. The food in Greece was great, the people for the most part hospitable and the sites are fantastic. I'll be posting some photos up soon.