What I failed to mention in earlier posts was I had a hidden agenda for traveling to Haiti. As readers of my blog may know, I am pretty dissatisfied with the US government and have suggested several “big ideas” on how to fix our country. I figured Haiti would be a good place to test out the popularity of my ideas and I began a last minute campaign to become the mayor of the town of Camp-Perrin.
Being the only white person for miles around and that most Haitians refer to foreigner’s, no matter what color they are, as “Blanc” (which of course translates to “white” in English) I decided to go with the slogan, “Vote Blanc.” Using my 5 big ideas (Renewable Energy revolution, Take the money out of politics, Independent judges fix the countries gerrymandered voting districts, universal healthcare, remain religion neutral) for the Democratic party, I carved out a somewhat nonsensical platform that seemed to go over everybody’s head. (Although being Voodoo neutral was a vote getter.) My campaigning was mostly door to door hand shaking, but I also had some local street toughs spray-paint “Vote Blanc” on every surface they could find.
Apparently my message resonated with the citizens of Camp-Perrin as I won with a 10% margin of victory. While I was proud of my win as a write-in candidate, the truth is I benefited heavily from ballots that had not been filled in, which were liberally interpreted to be votes for me. The following morning before my flight back to Port-Au-Prince, I gave a victory speech in a packed town square full of my jubilant supporters. I explained, through an interpreter that I would bring good times to Camp-Perrin. I asked that all able bodied men be assembled for a raid of Antigua. (All-inclusive package resorts= Good plunder. Also I figure an easy victory could be good for morale and help me get elected to a second term as a war mayor.) I would also enact a “no broken windows” NYC style police force, consisting of the one police officer in town, a man by the name of Dartigue, who would guard the one unbroken window in town 24-hours a day.
I then announced that I would be running my office from Washington D.C. using the interweb and I did not plan on coming back to Camp-Perrin for at least a few years. I would try to get electricity to the town, followed by phone lines, DSL and eventually a computer so that they could receive my orders and of course, read my blog. I can already hear the chants of 4 more years…
2 Comments:
I'll admit that I'm one of the few Americans with little knowledge of Haitian politics but you might want to becareful some Republican Blanc doesn't come through and wow them with their hard stance against same sex marriage and immigration.
Those simple third world people love parties that run on initiatives like those and might even let them take control of their country just based on those issues alone. Suckers.
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