Being Pro-active> Life Choices

For the past few days people have been asking me what's with the mysterious patch on my neck. Ok, here comes the hard truth. It's a nicotine patch. Those of you who know me may be thinking, "but wait a second here, Larry doesn't smoke cigarettes. He even referred to smokers as society's trash. He hasn't smoked a cigarette in his life. How do I know this for sure? I guess I just do. Call it intuition or my gut, but I've never been more positive of anything in my life. But how does Larry know that I thinking all of this? Damn, he's in my head. I am so freaked out now."

Well, you thought right, I sill have yet to smoke a cigarette. However, the other day, for the first time in my life I saw a friend smoking and I thought, "wow, that looks pretty cool." It was then that I realized I had a problem and I could either ignore it or face it like a man.

You must now be thinking, "that is one shoddy looking nicotine patch." Well, I won't take offence. I made it myself by mixing the contents of two Malboros with hand cream and applying the compound to my neck. I then covered it with a piece of gauze and secured it with some clear packaging tape.

This nicotine patch is a preemptive measure that I hope will save me from a life of yellow teeth, smelly clothing, lung cancer and stupid offspring. I haven't had a craving since and honestly I have never felt better. This patch gives me the buzz that only freedom from addiction can provide. I feel so alive!