One Big Idea> Politics

So I wrote out 5 big ideas for the democratic party and even though they seem to becoming more politically relevant, the Dems have yet to embrace these kind of ideas as a platform. With Bush’s poll numbers continuing to fall I thought it would only be fair to lend him some advice. Let’s call it one big idea. I could advise numerous things here, such as national healthcare, a gas tax, publicly financed elections, no more gerrymandering, but we all know he won’t do any of those things.

No, my idea is much simpler and can be summarized in one word: Suicide.

Now George, you don’t necessarily have to shoot yourself in the head. You could OD on Cocaine (remember the gold ole days), throw yourself off a cliff or into traffic. If you want to avoid the embarrassment of suicide you could just walk into most of the neighborhoods in D.C. and I am sure somebody would be glad to do the job for you. If the whole death thing scares you could always fake it and live on a privately owned island that I am sure your family could afford.

I know what you are thinking: What about Laura, Jenna and Barbara? How would they carry on? Well Laura is a strong woman. She would want what’s best for you. What’s best for the country. And Jenna and Barbara are a lost cause. Admit it.

Look at the benefits, such as no more pressure on you to make so many decisions. I am sure you are tired of all this thinking. This Iraq mess? That’ll disappear. At least for you. Also, your poll numbers would probably shoot up (speaking of shooting up, don’t you miss heroine. Come on, you do don’tcha?). Your good buddy Dick would take over for you and I think he deserves to get a shot at the top job and finally have some influence in the White House. Plus we both know that you have done God’s work on this Earth. I am sure you will have place beside him in heaven. I hear heaven’s great! Why wait?

So again, death’s warm embrace beckons you. This is the one way you can salvage this presidency.